La Pistola

Dearest, (part V.4, the breakup)

Florence! Holy Crap!! What kind of hell hole is this place?!? It’s impossible to find a computer, nobody speaks English and it’s kind of loud. What do you mean betray you?? I flew half-way around the frickin’ world for you and you’re now telling me you’re not even here!!! What the hell is dakar senegal...are you making that up? Is that a street name or a village? I took a picture in a tree because I thought that it was cute and that there was a chance that we would be living in a tree once I got there and I was trying to prove I could adapt. I’m no “trick person.”

Help me. Come get me. I’ll meet you at the The Lion of Judah Monument tonight at 7pm.

I’m hungry.
Brit

Hello My Dear,

Thanks for your mail, Well it surprised me the way and manner you acted in this matter, I wonder what you take me like, Did you went through the first mail i sent to you where you realy knows all about me, Iam told you before that i am from Etopia stay now in dakar senegal and you are there asking me if dakar is a village or what,???? Dakar was a capital city of senegal located in west africa,; How can you make arrangement of coming to meet me with out even phone call and inform me that you are coming,? was that not sound stupid to hear from you? Now you claim to be in Etopia that my country does not speak english, Hey common this your joke was very expensive, Now listen, If you went through the first mail i sent to you, And you are willing to help me send to me all the information i ask you so that we can began on how to contact the finance house, You can as well give me your number where i can reach you or call me with the number i gave you, I am here in dakar senegal located in west africa, Bye

Florence,

You no matter need know in this,we have obtained connection on dearest Brit and computudora from etopia judah. Order in to for you to conntact again Florence need provide willing persons with US dollars, please must contact me on this informations soonest.

dawit

My Dear,

Thanks,I think when you are seriouse let me know,Have a nice day,

Florence

(and we never spoke again...)

Dearest, (part V.3)

My dear, dearest, Flo,

Trouble is afoot. My wife (who, contrary to you referring to her as a him is indeed a HER...please know that I only roll on one side of that equation if you know what I mean)...anyway, my wife, SHE, found my emails to you, and saw the photos of you. I shouldn’t have printed them out, framed them and placed them on my bed-side table, but I did and what’s done is done. She asked me who you were and I said “my sister, Florence” but she didn’t buy it. I’m thinking this:

I come there and open an account in a small town somewhere close to your camp...a camel ride away or whatever it is you ride. Jeeps? Horses? I don’t have a clue. That way we move the money right quick fast into that account and then I come pick you up in the, on the...whatever, and we ride/drive back to town and buy a villa or yurt. Please give me your thoughts. I tried to call you on the number you left me but there are no “+” signs on American phones. That must be an African thing. Is there another number I can try that doesn’t begin with +??

I’m so, so sorry but am sure this will work out. I am already packed (she kicked me out of the house) and ready to fly over there as soon as I hear back from you.

Email me right away, and by the way...you’re a total babe. Where did you take that photo? It almost looked like a kitchen or something but I’m pretty sure you don’t have kitchen’s there. I’ve seen National Geographic and those little mounded dirt ovens...do you have a boyfriend you are hiding until I get there? I’m cool with that as long as he doesn’t have an AK.

Love,
me

Hello My Dearest,

Thanks for your respond,Well iam happy reading from you,Having gone to read your mail i can really understand that you care much about me,Why should you print the pic out when you know that your wife will set eyes on it?I never wanted to hurt your wife as you know,Well the pic was took in kichen of the Dr of the refugee camp ,My Dearest,I never abide on close account here in africa,Idont want that and i will never allow you to do that;I told you to help me first to contact the finance house where this fund was deposited to know thier proceures that is why i ask for your informations,Does it take you anything to send me your informations contact,Well here is the direct number+221-77-44-99-389

Call and ask about Miss Florence Naissm in woman department,I will also be happy to see you soon,Bye

Florence

Dear love,

We no longer have time to argue about this. I am in Paris, at the Charles de Gaulle airport right now. I caught a flight last night and have a connection to Addis Ababa in three hours. PLEASE give me your address so that once I arrive in Ethiopia I can get back on a computer at the airport and take a...taxi?!?...or whatever to your camp. We will then meet with the finance house and set up our accounts there. I love you and will see you soon. I hope this doctor you speak of is an OB-GYN and not your boyfriend. I will try and call you as soon as I land, assuming that the phones there have the “+” sign on them. Don’t worry about my wife. She’ll be taken care of.

I’m so excited!! All my love,
Brit

My Dearest,

Thanks for writing me,Well i am happy for all this of your effort but it is a pity that in a transaction like this it is not a matter of surprised because i never want to deal with some one who can betrayed me or do anything harmful.Why is that i sent you mail yesterday and ask for your information the next thing to hear is that you are now in Parish with out even giving me your ticket number for me to confirm whom you said you are?Did i told you that i am in Etopia?I told you that i am from Etopia but stay now in dakar senegal camp is that not what i told you?I gave you a number and you refused to call me?Well if i dont finalised whom you are even when you told me you are in senegal i will not believe you or even told you about my inheritance since you hide even your own pic and hide inside tree and send me as your pic,dont be a trick person because i am a relestic girl and i contact you to help me retreve my fund,if we love each other we can then move into love afair if so desire but this time you make your own arrangement with out giving me some confident to know you well and where you are staying,anyway,;I want more about where you are now,try and call the number i gave you since you are now in paris ,hoping to hear your call,Bye

Florence

(to be continued...)

Dearest (part V.2)

Hello My Dearest,

Thanks for your mail and for your concern about me.I am really once excited hearing from you.My Dearest,This is not matter of been rich but a matter of been releastic and honest.I am honest girl and i have been serching for a good respected man who will show me love and kindness, But if i may ask dearest? Why do you think you can divorce your wife because of me? Well i understand what you mean in the area of used the same account with your wife, Now my advise now is that i want you to please send to me your personal information like your complete name;,Your address and phone number, I will submit it to the bank where this my fund was deposited, Soonest the fund procedures process have taking place, Then they will advise us how to transfer the money if it is good to open a new account then we shall by then understand, My Dearest, I thought you will send to me your pic as you said,Please send to me all this information which i ask and also your pic,I promise to send you my pic tomorrow because i have drop it where i will scan it, As soon as i got it to my email box i will send it to you, Please i will stop here now, Love and care from

Florence

Hello to you, my nubile Nubian (is it okay if I call you that?)

I am excited to hear from you as well and I know you are honest and I would only be leaving my wife for an honest girl like yourself. But now I am confused. Do you not want me to leave my wife?? How can we be together if I don’t leave her? I will admit that I am not a worldly man but I have head that it is often custom to have more than one wife in many African countries and Utah. Is that what you would prefer?? I will do that if that is what you are asking of me, but only because I love you, be sure that I don’t love my wife. She isn’t a catholic sister either but she sure acts like one, if you know what I mean. Please clarify this one small point because this makes a HUGE difference as to whether I need go through all of the trouble of opening a new bank account (it really is a pain) or if we can just use our other wife’s. Once you tell me WHICH account to use I will give you the numbers and then you will come here to me and/or me and my (other) wife. Do you want children?

I miss you. I’ve enclosed a picture of me playing hide and seek in a tree. Do you find me handsome?

All of my love.

My Dearest,

Good day, Hopefully that everything is fine,I really take good look at your pic, Though you refused to show all your body to me to enable me take good look at you well? You are hidding inside tree why?Meanwhile,The attarchments is my pic for you to see as i promise,Though it took me time and energy to do this just to let you know that i really care.My Dearest, On the issue of dirvorce your wife because of me,I am not much surpose but anyway since you said you dont love him any more well is ok but i never want anything harmful to me when i come to your country please, From the little i saw in your pic,You really look fine though i did not see you well, Again ,If you listen well to my mail i ask for your personal information first to submit to the finance bank where this my inheritance was depisited so that we should first know thier procedures please do not fail to send me your contact as below.

1.Your complete name
2.Your resident address or office address
3.Your telephone and fax

So that i will first submit your informations to the finance house and know thier procedures on how to claim this fund from the care,Please this number belong to the camp office,When you call ask about Ms Florence Naissm in woman department+221-44-99-389

I am waiting to hear your sweet voice, Bye and have a nice week end,

Yours Florence

(to be continued…)

Dearest, (part V)

Well, this one went on for quite a while so I’m going to have to break it up over a couple days. Introducing Florence, from Ethiopia.

My dearest
I am miss Flornce Naissm from Ethiopan i am single and 25 year old girl. Immediately after going through your profile i made up my mind to contact you for friendship, marriage or long term relationship because you are my choice of trust and i see nothing wrong with the choice that i have made in you. Now that i am in a state of absolute confussion I must reveal to you that my daddy was the Financial controler to the Common Wealth West African Region who was killed with my mother in a gun short by un-identified family enemies on the 10 of February along Addis Ababa international Airport road in Ethiopan and i am the only child.

Before my daddy died he made me the beneficiary of his final WILL and i am the beneficiary of the sum of 7.5 Million USD$ in his Domicilary USDollar account; I have the bank statement of account with me here. My friend ( sister francisca) who promised to take me to london invited me to The Catholic Sisters Mission Chies, here in Senegal to avoid my family enemies who killed my daddy from attacking me so that i will travel to london through the Catholic Sisters Mission, But it did not work out as i am not a catholic mission sister and recently my friend was posted to a catholic church in a village in the gambia (the next country) Because i have no means to travel to london I need your assistance to help me claim and transfer the money into your company or private bank account in your State and as soon as the Bank transfers the money into your bank account, you will buy your ticket and come to dakar and take me to your country. After your reply i will email you the contact information of the Bank where my late father deposited the money; and also send my photo to you. i will be back soon to receive your lovely reply. Do reply me on email address: naissm_florence@yahoo.com and in your reply do give me your personal telephone number and address. Take good care of yourself honey.
I remain yours ever,
Miss Florence naissm

Dear Florence...honey,

Let me say that I was so happy and excited to receive your email!! I am single also (or, at least, will be by the time you get here...) and I would be most honored and proud and pleased to help you with this and arrange for you to come here to me. Let me be clear—this is not about the money, although obviously it will help us live well! Second...I am SO HAPPY to hear that you are not a Catholic Sister!! I have nothing against religion and will be happy to become religious if you’d like, and Catholic seems as good as any of them (plus they seem to have lots of babies if you know what I mean!)

Do you have a photo by chance. I can send you one of me. Please, please send me your photo. In regards to whatever it is I need to do to help you with your will, just let me know and I will assist you in that right away. Have you ever heard of the band Pharcyde? They are an American rap group. They have a song that goes:

Now there she goes again, the dopest Ethiopian
And now the world around me be gets movin in slow motion
when-ever she happens to walk by - why does the apple of my eye
overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?

I hope you don’t overlook and disregard MY feelings, but I’m sure you won’t. By the way, “dopest” means good, or hot..like sexy.

Please let me know what’s next and I hope to hear back from you right away (and don’t forget the photo.)

Love,
Brit

Hello My Dearest,

Good day my dearest,Hopefully that everything are amright,I am also so excited reading from you,I dont really know how to thanks you for your understand and your kindness,I believe from your mail you really sound very good and you seems to be the kind of man i should trust for love,As i do know that with honest love and trust that solid relation will still be made no matter the distance,My Dearest,It goes like this,I am a girl that believe in love,I love listing music like R Kelly music Tupac and Rmb.It happend that ever since i lost my parents i have been lonely and asking for God not some one who wil help me for my inheritance but also some one whom i can trust and love,Well i cant just say anything now but my wish and my prayer is that God will lead us to the best way of life so that it will be a things of joy and happiness.I have been going through hell here though you will not understand it all but glory to God in every condition,Actully,I dont believe in religion i only believe in God and mercy and love,And iam working hard to make sure that i am among of them God will show love and Kindness,Well dearest,I wanted to send you my pic but it happend that i have not surceeded today to look for where i can scan it because here in camp we dont go out all time,But i make this promise that i will try as soon as posible by tomorrow or next to see where i can send it,My Dearest,Please also in your next mail do send me your photo also,To let you know about this fund,It was deposited by my father as i have told you,The reasons why i contact you is to please assist me for the claim and transfer this money into your account for security purpose.According to the govering law of this country,People under refugee was not allow to make any claim of inheritance that was why i want to submit your information to the finance house and inform them about you as my partner so that they will tell us their procedures on how to released and transfer this money into your position,Please this are the information i needed to submit to the finance house as below,

1.Your complete name
2.Your resident or office address
3.Your phone and fax
4.your present occupation,

Please my dearest,This are the information require from the finance house so that i will submit all this information to them and introduce your name to their custudy as my foreign partner,As soon as i got it i will send it to them so that we shall hear from them,Please you are welcome to express your feelings about me all the time,Do not forget to send me your pic also,As my promise,I will send mine as soon as posible also,I have to stop here now my dearest and i wait urgent for your mail,Bye

Yours Florence,

My dear Florence,

I thought you would never reply and I got worried. I’m so happy to hear from you and I’m so happy to hear that you like Tupac! Thug Life! Thug Life! Anywho, I’m sorry to hear that you were unable to send a picture because I was really, really looking forward to that. Could you draw one for me? Pencil would be fine and I’m sure that would give me a good idea. I have a wonderful imagination. I promise I will send you one as well in my next email.

Here is my only problem at the moment. Until you arrive here in the US I can not tell my wife about you, but I promise I will leave her the moment you get here if not before (I’ve been looking for a reason for years!!!) Here is the tricky part that I would like your advice on. Since I am married, and PLEASE PLEASE trust me that this will not be a problem, but since I am at the moment, we share a joint bank account. Well, okay...it’s her bank account. She has the money and is very much a bitch about letting me have any of it, which is another reason I can’t wait to be with you...you’re beautiful (I’m imagining), you’re rich, and you told me that you would share lots of money with me (and let’s not forgot that part about NOT being a catholic sister!)

So, what do I do? Do I open my own account and send you that information or do I get my bitch wife’s account information and give that to you? Please tell me and we will get this done because I am dying here with her.

By the way, sorry abut your dad.

I love you and hope to hear back from you sooner than soon.
Brit

(to be continued...)

Dearest, (part IV)

Greetings,

I am a Civil Staff working under United States Marine Corps operating with the Engineering military Dept unit in Baghdad, Iraq, we discover about $65 Million US dollars that we want to move out but we need a good partner we can trust. This fund is oil money and legal. Click on the link bellow for more information http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

We have already secretly moved this fund out of Iraq to finance firm in Europe. This is a deal. But the question is can we trust you when the funds get to you? You will take your 30% for the assistance and keep the remaining for us in a safe custody. Your role is to find a safe place for the funds while our own part is sending it to you.

Your Reply Needed
Michael

Dear Michael (pfc? Cpl? General???),

I am so glad you found me and you have found the right person! I would be happy and honored to assist you! I have done many, many things since the war started to help our boys fighting over in Africa against the Iraqi’s and I’m jumping at the chance to help again! I was just having an argument the other day with a friend of mine who is working on a similar deal with a fellow from Nigeria (another African nation in case you didn’t know...although I had to look it up on a map.) Anyway, my friend, Jim, is helping to secure funds for this fellow, Muhhammad or Muststafa or something like that who SAYS he is a Christian but who ever heard of a Christian name like that? That sounds like a muslim name or an islim name to me. Is there a difference between muslim and islim? I thought you might now since you are over there and all. What I do know is that Michael is a Christian name. Michael was the Archangel and Gods right hand man. Michael has seven letters and as we all know--”if the devil is six, then God is seven.” You are a seven. W is a seven. But I digress (I love using that phrase! I use it around the house all the time and it drives my wife crazy!) What do I need to do to help?? I don’t even need 30% of your money, but maybe just 25%, or 25 million. Seems to me you are doing the harder work and did find it after all. I have a very safe place in which I could store this money, although it’s not a bank. We all know that the banks here in the United States of America aren’t run by the Christians either but another certain African country! I do have a very, very safe closet in the basement with two locks that my wife doesn’t even have keys to (how much space does 65 million dollars take up??) I could keep it there until your deployment ends...which could be a very, very long time!! Ha! Just a joke to lighten the mood.

Anyway, let me know what’s next. I look forward to hearing from you.
Brit

Dear Brit Withey,

Thanks for your reply to my mail. This venture will not take any time, due to our best modality to perfect this deal.

We choose safest way of perfecting this venture, by using the means of DIPLOMATIC LIFTING & COURIER SERVICES (DLCS) to deliver this fund to a neutral ground Dubai or Paris France. We will register this fund in your name with the courier service. You will be requiring traveling to Paris or Dubai for the claiming of the fund. We will register the fund consignment as machinery working tools. The diplomat will be moving together with out representative to meet with you and also monitor the diplomat for security reasons. Only our representative will know the Content of the box.

This arrangement will be ok; security is tight here in Iraq. The immunity of the diplomat will cover the consignment. They are not being search by customs. I would have to do this through any Bank branch here, but they will need company contract certificate, paying of taxes and other legal documents about you as the owner of the fund. so many questions will be involved. The implication will be much.

Please you are free to ask any question where you are not cleared.

I needed strong assurance from you that my trust and confidence in you is not misplaced , I will also like you to assure me that you will not let me down either now or in the future as I strongly hope to establish a strong long lasting business relationship with you after my retirement immediately me move out of Iraq.

Looking forward to a mutual beneficial partnership. Thanks for your understanding. Waiting for your Reply ASAP.

Regards
Michael

Dear Michael Joseph Leyden,

How exciting! You obviously have this all worked out to a “T”! I’ll admit, it makes me feel a little bit like a character from one of those John Le Carre books. Should I get a derringer? Ha! Kidding, I know there is no need for that as you have certainly made arrangements in a secure and safe manner. Oh, and Paris! I’ve always wanted to go to Paris...well, my wife has always wanted to go to Paris...I actually don’t care. Can I bring my wife? Are you buying us tickets and can they be first class? I’m not sure what Dubai is but is seems similar to “Dubya”, meaning George, so it can’t be all bad, but I’m sure my wife would still rather go to Paris. She’s been bugging me for years. That’s one thing they seem to have right over there in Africa, that long black robe with the facemask. I wish I could tell my wife to wear one! Kidding! Sorta.

What sort of name is Leyden anyhow? That’s not Jewish is it? Seems like it might be. Not that it matters. I’m just wondering. Still, you’re lucky you have that Michael name right up front like I mentioned before. Did you notice that your middle name AND your last name both have 6 letters in them? If you first name WASN’T Michael and was something like, say...George (since we were just talking about him), your name would be essentially 666. Now that I’m sitting here thinking on this if Dubya’s last name were “Bushes” instead of “Bush”, HIS name would be 666. Scary! But I digress. Ha! Remember!?

Okay. To the matter of questions. I have a few before we move forward. What is “modality” and “consignment”? That is first. I don’t have the slightest idea what those words mean. Second: is there any chance that my wife might get shot!?

Yours in Faith (unless you are Jewish, which is fine, like I said, but we’ll just have to agree to disagree)

Brit

(After not hearing back for a few days, I sent this)

Dear Michael,

????

I hope you are okay and have not been harmed by any of those insurgents we are always reading about over here. They do sound like a bad lot (although a heaven with a bunch of virgins does sound like heaven, doesn’t it?) I spent last night drawing up plans for our exchange of funds once I get to Paris. I’m not sure if you have ideas yourself, and if you do, I’d love to hear them, but take a look at what I’ve sketched out (not to scale!) and let me know what you think. It’s simple, fast and easy...not one of the Hollywood Ocean’s 13 sort of thing. Did you see Ocean’s 13? A load of crap in my opinion. Don’t bother.

Anyway, take a look at my plans and let me know if you have any modifications...I’m still tweaking them and they are in no way set in stone.

(I never heard back.)

Dearest, (part III)

From Engr Jerry Aliu
Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC)
Block 708b Falomo Close.
Victoria Island.
Lagos Nigeria.

I am Engr. Jerry Aliu, the Director of the Foreign Operations in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. (NNPC)

Recently I awarded and over invoiced a contract project in my Department to a foreign firm in Nigeria, the contract project has been completed awaiting to be commissioned, the account department of my
corporation is about to send their invoice to the Central Bank of Nigeria for immediate payment to the
Contractor

So my main reason of contacting you is for you to team up with me in order to claim the over invoiced
amount together. I intend to forward your company’s name to our account department as a sister
company to the Original Contractors to enable them approve the over invoiced amount to you (us)

The over invoiced amount is: $25,500 000 00 (Twenty Five Million Five hundred Thousand United States
Dollars) only.

If you agree to work with me in order to receive this over invoiced amount in your bank account for our
mutual benefit, please get back to me immediately with your full contact details including your phone
and fax numbers so that I can explain further to you.

Thanks
Engr.  Jerry Aliu.

Dear Engr.,
Thank you for contacting and selecting me for the serious and important relationship. I am, of course, open to such a relationship as you detail in your email below, but I would like to outline a few details before we agree in principle to proceed upon our mutually beneficial path. Being that I am from the United States and you from Nigeria (although you address does confuse me a bit?? I though Victoria Island was in Canada and Lagos was next to Vietnam or China or something...) I have certain "insider" information on what may be the most "prudent" way to invest and secure the monies once they are successfully transferred from your person to mine. I have thought on this all night after receiving 
your email just before bed last evening and let me just say one word: Crocs!

You don't know what Crocs are, you say? Well they are all the rage  here and I don't see that train stopping any time soon! Crocs are little rubber shoes that are full of holes (I'm not sure why??) that people all over this country wear and they come in many, many colors and many, many sizes. Even babies here wear Crocs! They probably don't make much sense in countries such as Nigeria or Lagos or Vietnam because snakes and scorpions could crawl through the little holes and kill you, but we don't have snakes and scorpions in the United States and so the little holes are just...cute!

If you would agree to invest, along with me, the total sum of $25 million in Crocs I believe we could double our money within the next 6 months or so...you and I could practically buy Vietnam!

Please consider this offer carefully and please do not pass this information around to any other African countries but keep it between us. I anxiously await your reply.

Sincerely,
Brit

(I never heard back)

Dearest, (part II)

(Above: 15 Million Starlings)

Another brief break from the chaos:

Good Day,

I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important
business. Though, this medium (Internet) has been
greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it
because it still remains the fastest medium of
communication. However, this correspondence is
unofficial and private, and it should be treated as
such. At first I will like to assure you that this
transaction is 100% risk and trouble free to both
parties.

IN ORDER TO TRANSFER OUT (FIFTEEN MILLION POUNDS
STERLINGS) FROM OUR BANK HERE IN LONDON. THE FUND FOR TRANSFER IS OF CLEAN ORIGIN. THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT IS A FOREIGNER, a program leader who was believed to acquire the fund through his secret Crude Oil deal with the Former IRAQI Government.The deceased died with all the members of his family in an auto-accident in February 14, 2005, without a WILL

The amount involved is [15, 000, 000.00 POUNDS STERLINGS]. I WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO A SAFE FOREIGN ACCOUNT ABROAD BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY FOREIGNER WHOM I CAN TRUST, I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE AS WE DON'T KNOW OURSELVES BEFORE, BUT BE SURE THAT IT IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS.

I CONTACT YOU BELIEVING THAT YOU WILL NOT LET ME DOWN ONCE THE FUND GOES INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.KINDLY CONTACT ME ONWARDS THROUGH MY PERSONAL PRIVATE EMAIL:

Let me hear from you,
Regards,
Dr.Derek Lamberty.

Hi Derek,

How interesting! I really would like to help you, really, and you certainly can trust me...but I can’t for the life of me figure out what I would do with 15 million pounds of Starlings?!? I mean...are they still alive?? How do you ship that many Starlings? Good God...what if they get loose?! However, if you can explain the details to me I would be happy to entertain such an endeavor—I’m sensing a sort of King Kong-in-chains type fame if we do this right.

Sincerely,
Brit

(I never heard back)

Dearest ,

Yes, yes, things are busy. But sometimes late at night, or early in the morning…I go over all of the spam emails that come in (I save them in a little folder), select one or two, and reply. It’s amusing to me and even more so when the correspondence continues for a while. I thought I’d start posting some of them here for kicks, a la Robin Cooper’s The Timewaster Letters…he’s kind of my idol.

From Miss Mariam Kenzo
Abidjan- Cote D' Iviore

Dear ,

Good a thing to write you. I have a proposal for you-this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will.I am Mariam Kenzo 18years old and the only Daugther of my late parents Mr.and Mrs.Kenzo. My father was a highly reputable business magnet-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time.But God knows the truth!

My mother died when I was just 4 years old,and since then my father took me so special.Before his death he called me and told me that he has the sum of Ten million,seven hundred thousand United State Dollar (USD$10.700,000) deposited in one of the leading security company here in Abidjan Ivory coast West Africa.

He further told me that he deposited the money in my name,I am just 18 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do.This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.

I wish to invest in Manufacturing and real estate management in your country.Dear,I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.

Now permit me to ask these few questions:-
1. Can you honestly help me as your Sister?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will
be good for you after the money is in your account?

Please,Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible for more explanation through my private mail XXXXXXXXXXX

Thank you so much and may God bless you.

Yours sincerely One,

Ms Mariam Kenzo.

Dear Mariam Kenzo,

This really is good timing. I have been corresponding for the past couple of days with a Ms. Juliet Kone, also from Cote D’Iviore about a similar situation wherein I would assist her in liberating her late parents fortune (for a small percentage to myself), after which she would most likely come and live with me. Do you know Juliet? How big a place is Cote? If you do know her, please do not mention that I am speaking with you. She appears to have had a hard life and I do not want to cause her any more ill fortune...and I don’t want to completely give up on the potential deal I have in the works with her either. However, there are a few things that made me respond to your email as soon as I saw it this morning. Firstly, the amount of monies you mention below is more than Juliet has, or at least, has offered. Perhaps she is lying to me. I don’t know. If you know her perhaps you can say. Secondly, you mention investment, which I find to be a very great idea (have you ever heard of the restaurant The Outback? It’s kind of Australian, but it’s not, but it makes you feel like you are in Australian when you eat there...something to consider) while Julia talked about using some of the monies to finish her education...not good in my opinion. I don’t know how familiar you are with this country or if you have ever been (Juliet obviously has not) but young women do not need much education over here because they are very well taken care of. Thirdly, your last name, Kenzo, sounds like it may be of Japanese origin and I have always had kind a thing for Asian women. I have no idea what the last name Kone is but it reminds me of the Koneheads...Ha! Do you have television?

So, to answer your questions. Number one: Yes, I can honestly help you, but let’s get back to the word “sister” in a bit. Number two: Yes, you can honestly trust me if I can honestly trust you—don’t let the fact that I am going behind Juliet’s back right now bother you—I feel that you and I have a connection and Juliet and I have already had our first “tif”. Number three: I suppose this relates back to question number one and the word “sister” and whether you are thinking to come out here and live with me like Juliet was planning. And if by “sister” you mean, well...sister, then I would say 30%. If you would like to come out here and live with me and share in the investments of The Outback and by “sister” you mean “girlfriend”, well then...20%. Please consider my offer and know that I am honest and pleasant and clean. And please don’t mention ANY of this to Juliet.

Thank you so much for the opportunity and I anxiously await your reply.

Mr. Brit Withey

(I never heard back)